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WHAT WAS IT LIKE WINNING THE WEAKEST LINK
My legs were aching, my heart was racing and I wondered whether I could see it through to the end. I'd been on my feet for hours in a hotbed of competition, of ego and heavy tension in the air that you could cut with a knife. I was sticking to my plan with the end in mind. My brain nearly froze and my whole body was trembling. My mouth was dry and my nerves were jangling.
Only a few hours before tears had welled in my eyes as I thought I might back out. "I don't think I can do it" I said to my partner. He held my hands and looked at me straight in the eyes and said calmly but quietly "yes you can". The others had been so loud, so intimidating and overpowering. "Who was I?" I thought as I sat quietly in the background. I wanted it so much that I couldn't bear losing. The pain of not winning was raw and unwanted.
The doubts in my mind were from last time. Two years ago I was voted off first when my time was cut unfairly short. I didn't want to be the loser any more. I wanted to stay to the end and I wanted to win because I had good intentions.
When everyone else spoke I could hardly hear but I was watching and listening and sticking to my plan. My focus was set and my ambitions were clear but every time it came to me my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. My breath was shallow and each time I got a question I would pray for leniency.
The minutes seemed like hours and the eyes of the others' looked around like daggers. I wanted the money because I wanted it for Em so there was no other choice but to keep it all together.
This was what it was like taking part in The Apprentice Weakest Link Special. It was hard, it was testing and nerve wracking beyond belief. Each round was like facing Sir Alan in the boardroom all over again!!
After I had been approached to take part in the show I immediately said "yes" because I had a score to settle with myself. Then I had time to think about it... for there was a downside...the odds were seriously stacked against me! This might have offered me a reason to pass. But there was a bigger enticement. It was for charity and I wanted to give it my best shot for SANDS my nominated charity.
The odds didn't look good mostly due to my distance with popular culture. As a rule I don't watch TV or listen to the news. I don't know much about James Bond or Doctor Who for that matter. I couldn't tell you what the latest soap storylines are or what happened in X Factor. If I was going to win I needed a plan, a strategy, tactics and belief. I needed to apply everything I already knew about facing challenges. So I set about my preparation. I enlisted the help of others. I ordered the Weakest Link book from Amazon and I would ask people to test me to practise my questioning technique. I watched the Weakest Link on-line and revised my capital cities and currencies. I even read the odd newspaper to catch up with my current affairs. I checked out the leading politicians and I focussed on winning.
There were other strategies I used such as running round the block the morning before reaffirming "I am the strongest link" and envisioning my winning interview, preparing what I was going to say. I had a strategy for everything, for the questions I knew and for the questions I didn't. I applied Bouncebackability to the letter, in mind and body, with total commitment and with all embracing vigour. There are a myriad of other techniques that I applied but you would be reading for an hour!!
Winning reminded me that even when the odds are seemingly stacked against us, given the right application of mind, planning and preparation we can all win through.
Quite often in life it's easier to talk ourselves out of doing things. We are frightened of failure and frightened to fall. We are frightened by what everyone else might say and we give up at the first hurdle. Often there are a million reasons not to do something but only one that says we should.
There is no such thing as failure only learning, growth and knowledge.
Commit to do something today where the odds are stacked against you. When the thought of winning is more powerful than the losing, make one step closer today as tomorrow never comes.
If we wake tomorrow the jobs not done – its my birthday
My birthday is this week and it’s a great time to reflect, to learn from the past and envision for the future.
Whilst contemplating this week’s newsletter I pondered, “What a difference a year makes?” But then I realised, it’s not the difference a year makes but the minutes, the seconds and the moments within it that can change the direction of our life forever. They can change it for the better or they can change it for the worse. These are the defining moments in our life that make us who we are.
We sometimes can’t avoid the testing and traumatic events but we can affect our future positively.
It’s the email that we send when we’re really scared of the response. It’s the phone calls we make when we don’t really feel like it. It’s the yes’s we say when our head say no. It’s the gifts that we give when we think we can’t afford it. It’s the thanks that we give when we don’t feel like it’s due. It’s the messages that we send that say “I love you” and it’s the help that we give when nobody else is watching. It’s the job application we send off when we think we won’t get it. It’s the looks that we give when the other person is not expecting it. It’s the questions that we ask when we we’ve been rejected a hundred times. It’s the difference we can make every second of every day.
The last year has been very kind to me which I am extremely grateful for. None of us know when the wind is going to change and it can change within a second. Don’t put off what you could do today.
Think, “what have I got to gain” rather “what have I got to loose”. Do something today to make a difference to your future. Make the next second count and wake tomorrow knowing that you achieved as much as you could today.
Because as I was once taught “if we wake tomorrow the jobs not done”.
My legs were aching, my feet were hurting and I felt like I wanted to stop. I’d just passed the 5 kilometre point and the next two were going to be hard. As I longed for the 7km marker to be 8km I contemplated the next couple of miles. Each step I took brought me closer to the finish line and this kept me going. Over and over in my head I repeated “I am strong and I am powerful” taking myself off to a different place, hypnotising away the aches. When my chatterbox tried to talk me out of it I kept on running.
My brain was working overtime. What was my strategy going to be? Should I speed up or slow down. I wanted to run 10km in less than an hour and knew that I needed to pick up the pace.
The sun was in my face and there were thousands of people ahead of me all edging closer to the 10k finish.
In the morning I had prepared properly with the right food. I had been going through the run in my mind and was fully ready. I was eager for the off and excited by the atmosphere.
At 5km it was getting a little testing. The constant pound and solace of the run was taking its toll on my resolve.
I considered stopping. There were thousands of spectators who wouldn’t even blink if I stopped. Nobody would know if I walked a little. Nobody would know if I took a short cut. My family were nowhere to be seen and of course I could get away with it. If I limped home nobody would notice.
But I knew why I was running. I was running for charity and I was running for my sponsors and I was running in memory of my daughter who fought for every hour of her life. I was running for the end and I must keep on going.
It was at this point that I realised that sometimes the most important race is with ourselves. When nobody else is looking is easy to pack our bags, give up and start crying. When everyone else’s is back is turned is easy to stop and whale. It’s easy to give up, downhearted and beat.
Fighters fight when no-one else is watching. Fighters fight when everyone else is napping. Fighters fight when they have no supporters. Fighter fights to the end when everyone else tells them to stop. Fighters fight because we know we have it in us and fighters fight because the fight is worth fighting.
When we feel like giving up, we can all be a fighter. All we need to do is to keep going. It’s a war and not a battle and with strength and conviction we can all succeed in the war against ourselves.
Have a fabulous weekend and thank you so kindly for all your generous support and encouragement today and always. Thank you for helping me to keep on running…
“Help me” were the words a friend of mine had on the wall when he was going through a crisis in his life. Each day he looked at his sign and each day he would cry and sob and wretch from the pain. Each day his body became contorted from the grief and the torment. Each day his spirit shrivelled and each day is wisdom wept. Each day he wallowed in his own self pity and each day he drank himself into oblivion.
He was going down fast until he changed his sign.
“Never give up – get up” he slashed in bright red ink striking out the “help me” as nobody had come to his rescue!!
When we experience very testing times, sorrow and grief is very enticing. It gives us a significance that we might not be getting from anywhere else. People care when we are grieving. It makes people notice us when we cry for help. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. Sorrow and grief is necessary but to be stuck there is not.
Negativity can suck us in, it can draw us to it because it looks like the easy route. It’s easy to give in, less so to come out fighting. Downbeat and disheartened is easy!
Dark worlds can be seductive as they tighten their grip around our neck. The noose gets tighter as it gets more difficult to breath. We stifle our own spirit and we wallow in our self pity. It’s the easy option and for some reason we think that it helps. It’s a web of disaster that weaves its silk around our lungs. It’s sucking our life as we crumble and fall. The door closes on our soul as the darkness closes in. As our hearts break from trauma, we torture ourselves even more. We are twisting the knife on a road to self destruct. Sometimes we get so low, teetering on the brink.
During my recovery from my baby daughter dying, some days I couldn’t even speak, I couldn’t climb stairs and I couldn’t eat but each day I woke and each day was a new day. Sometimes I would dread the morning as I woke to realise that today I would have to do it all over again.
But from somewhere inside me I knew I was worth it. I knew I could face it and I knew I deserved to recover.
We are all worth the journey to recovery and repair. We don’t deserve to berate ourselves and be stuck in the past. Yesterday was yesterday and today is today. Today will be better and today we take another step. We can do it slowly torturing ourselves more or we can do it powerfully to ease our pain ready for tomorrow.
Pain hurts and pleasures are pleasure. Today is the day that we deserve to be strong. Today is the day that we deserve to be happy. Today is the day to stop being enticed by the dark world and open our eyes to the light.
Its clearer it’s joyous and it’s worth the effort. To help ourselves is the biggest gift of all. Make a pledge today – never ever give up – keep going and you are worth it because you are strong and fabulous!!! Sometimes you just need reminding!!
